You may not have heard of a secondary gain before, but if you find yourself in a cycle of wanting to make a change but unable to do so then this could be why. I see this come up with my client's who want to make changes and if I am honest I also see this come up in my own life. 

A secondary gain is when an undesirable behaviour provides a desired outcome. This becomes a problem when you wish to change the undesirable behaviour, yet subconsciously you still want, need or crave the desired outcome that the undesirable behaviour brings. What this means is that even when you decide to make changes there are these hidden benefits (to our consciousness) that are sabotaging you. 

Let me give you an example. A woman may wish to stop their weekend binges of alcohol and food in order to be more consistent in her fitness journey and see results. However, the secondary gain is that she enjoy the socialising and interaction with her friends. It's also a way of her blowing off some steam after a l...